Can i not drive my cunt home
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
