And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
