The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
