Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
