I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
