Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
