U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
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