I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
