I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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