you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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