I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
