$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
