I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
