whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
