He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
