i just google imaged poop.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
