So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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