ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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