I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
