I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
