whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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