Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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