When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
