he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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