He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
