A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
