You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
