My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
And then my night got REAL pukey
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
