9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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