her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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