hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
