my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
