"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
