My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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