It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
