she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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