I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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