Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
