Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
