Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
