lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
That's when you crack a 10am beer
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
