shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
