I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
