i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
