hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
