The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
