Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
