It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
