You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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