4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
