I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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