you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My vagina is officially offended.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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